Giving of yourself..

Am I the only one that went through a phase in my life that I did for others to the point that I forgot me? So much so that everyone around me had a smile on their faces, and my smile was turned upside down and inward..

I lived the better part of my 20’s trying to make others feel better despite how awful I felt inside. The things we do to ourselves…

When my 30’s came around i decided that at some point I had to live for me, but how did I do that or could I do that without feeling guilty about being selfish. Selfish because I started telling people NO! I had to say no to things that I would have normally handled for others and let them learn to deal with their own issues instead of fixing it for them. Who was fixing things for me? God was handling the important things but who was hugging me, holding me, boosting me, believing in me?

I know you have felt like that before, how did you deal with it? I did the only thing that I knew and that was to keep pressing forward with my life. I included a lot of activities that were temporary space keepers, and when they were finished, I was back where I started…only tired.

I went through this sad cycle twice in my 30’s and boy oh boy why did I do that? Exhaustion is real. I thought I would never get my sleep back or take another vacation, or have peace of mind again. Guilt in not being everything to everyone is a hard thing to get over. When was I going to learn the lesson and begin to care for myself? Soon and very soon…

Growing up is harder than I thought..

The good old 40’s came around and man do I have the hang of taking things in stride. I help others but I know when to help myself as well. Last week I talked about being strong, and how it was detrimental to my health, I meant that. It may not seem like I have much bothering me if you see my day to day interactions, however God knows my heart and I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders many times.

Jesus is my burden bearer, and my heavy load sharer!!!

Being able to look at things from an optimistic point of view has definitely made my 40’s bearable, and makes me look forward to being 45 in about 8 days. I am excited to see what happens as I get closer to 50..